3aib! And The City.

An everyday girl who happens to be a psychologist

Ask 3aib: Long distance [relationship]

19th October 2016 - 2 mins read

Age: 21

Gender: Female

Message: I didn’t want to love someone because of the heartache, and when I did, the person that I love will move from the country.. its too much to take and I’m in a battle between if this long distance will work or if I should break up and move on instead of being heartbroken. should I put my trust in the relationship and us?

Dear Female, 21

What can I say.. Long distance relationships are hard. And some would even argue, designed to fail. I must admit, though, that I have seen quite a lot since starting my career and even before. Not all long distance relationships are necessarily doomed to fail. Especially if both partners enjoy privacy and space. So, is a long distance relationship the right thing for you? 

It really comes down to two important factors. Firstly, will you and your partner have the will to accept the situation as it is? Secondly, will you and your partner find it in you to trust each other? 

Being in a long distance relationship requires more determination. Most of the days communication can only happen online and making time for it can sometimes be very challenging, however it is not impossible. Most couples feel overwhelmed because they do not know what to expect from the new situation, alongside they have to deal with new fears and worries. Such as, what will he/she do when he/she meets someone else? Statistically speaking men suffer more in long distance relationships but regardless of that, it is important to understand that most of the relationship will happen online and misunderstandings are preprogrammed. The nature of fights will change as it is shown that face to face interaction might calm a heated discussion down. Physical closeness also avoids a lot of drama because facial expressions and gestures often de-dramatize the words said. 

Here some questions you must ask yourself:

Is the communication between my partner and I functional? 

Can I be able to give my partner the space they need to build a life wherever they are moving to without freaking out if they do not respond immediately whenever I text or call?

Can I trust my partner to stay resilient and can I trust myself to do the same?

Can I  manage my expectations?

Is meeting regularly still an option? 

It goes without saying that staying faithful is key and for that it is essential to create goals together. What I mean by that is to plan when you will meet again, what is the next step for the relationship, what is the long term goal? 

You have to be aware that long distance relationships mean more commitment than regular ones. Both sides have to be determined to make it work. And if that is the case, there is one big advantage I would like to highlight before closing that post. 

Long distance relationships, if lived smoothly, have one wonderful bright side. You will have the space and freedom to design your day-to-day life the way you want and the way it makes you comfortable. If you are confident enough to trust yourself and your partner, a long distance relationship can make your connection grow stronger because it strengthens the personality as well. 

Good luck,

3aib!