3aib! And The City.

An everyday girl who happens to be a psychologist

The Best Friend/Boyfriend Bomb

2nd May 2015 - 4 mins read

My loveliest readers,

Welcome back. Believe me when I say, I have missed writing to you. And I’m grateful that you’re still coming back for more, in spite of my long, long silence!

Like I mentioned on Twitter a few days ago, I’ve had a lot going on in my life in the past year or so. I loved and lost. I Tindered, and lost. But despite a lot of misfortunes (yes, many self-inflicted), I have been lucky enough to find love again after all the turbulence. But more on all of that juicy gossip later.

Today’s story is one that many people are familiar with. You have either asked yourself if this is something you could/should do, or you have actually experienced this common phenomenon yourself. Hell, even Hollywood has spun a couple of tales about this. Dating your best friend.

I am sure that most people reading this have considered dating a close friend at some point in their life. They may have been followed through with it and for a lucky few, ended up marrying their best friend. Indeed, there is nothing greater than finding romantic love with your own best friend. I have always said that being with a friend is the best kind of relationship. A best friend in a lover is unbeatable.

There are many perks to dating/loving/marrying your best friend. First, and maybe most importantly, you already know that you have a strong bond, connection and relationship with your bestie. You know you get along, share similar interests, understand each other, make each other laugh, fight together, but always make up, and that you can rely on one another for a lifetime. You also know the person’s values really well and know that you can trust them – trust them not to break your heart because you’re too close for that. Your best friend is no stranger. It is likely that you also know your best friend’s family members and share the same circle of friends. Sounds great, doesn’t it?

I know all of this. In fact, I have dreamed of all of this. Growing up, I was victim to falling for many of my guy friends, hoping that I would one day end up with a friend of mine. But I was heartbreakingly friendzoned time after time again. And once I graduated from college, I gave up the hope of being with a friend and chose to search the land of the strange for my soulmate.

During my time in college, I met a guy named James, and we quickly became friends. As we got closer, I started to really like him. But as the friendzone curse continued to hit me hard, I slowly gave up on anything happening with us and we remained friends. Time went on and we continued to get closer, until the end of 2013 when we had been friends for almost 8 years.

During those 8 years, we drifted apart and came together again several times. But never once did our friendship fall apart. Never once did I feel like I hadn’t just been with James the night before. Never once did I question his care for me, my care for him, or our mutual trust in one another. And of course, by default of going to the same university, we had the same friends. I even knew all his family members, as he did mine. By the end of 2013, he was actually my closest male friend.

Around my birthday at the end of 2013, James and I started getting closer – talking every day, seeing each other once or twice a week, confiding in one another - the usual. Prior to that, we had lost touch for a few months, so it was really nice to reconnect with him again. And although we didn’t always stay in touch continuously throughout the 8 years, James always knew the details of what was happening in my life and vice versa. When I was sad, he comforted me. When he was sad, I comforted him. We actually even tried to set each other up with our own friends, which interestingly enough, didn’t work out.

I used to always joke with him when he asked me how I was doing, I would say: “My life is complete James. The only thing left is marrying you.” It was a joke, but as we continued to get closer, I started to think if I could ever feel for him the way I did 8 years ago when we first met in college. Somehow, I felt that my feelings were going to be reignited soon. I didn’t want that to happen because I felt that he would never feel the same towards me. I mean come on – it had been 8 years. If something were going to happen, it would have already happened.

In December of 2013, I traveled over winter break. By this time, James and I had reached the peak of closeness in our friendship, talking every single day mostly throughout the day. Towards the end of my break, our daily conversation took a very different turn.

Me: “How you doing James?”

James: “My life is complete, DS. The only thing left is marrying you.”

Me: “Hahahaha, don’t use my lines on me!”

James: “No but seriously though. What do you think?”

Me: “What do you mean?”

James: “Well not marriage obviously, but what do you think of us dating? Would you consider it?”

Me: “Is that a serious question?”

James: “Yeah, I mean is that something you would be willing to try?”

Me: “Without a doubt in my mind.”

I meant every word of that. Without a doubt in my mind, I would never hesitate to give James a chance, because it would mean giving our friendship a chance to become even more beautiful than it ever was. I couldn’t believe he had actually asked me that. I can’t describe how happy I was; it was like a dream come true.

But what a shortlived dream that was. Until next time.