3aib! And The City.

An everyday girl who happens to be a psychologist

2-in-1 Special: A First and Last Date

6th April 2013 - 4 mins read

Welcome back dearest readers. I’ve missed writing to you! 

It was November of 2011 and I was on the first date I had been on in as long as I remember.  While I sipped my warm Starbucks latte moved by the winds ruffling between the skyscraper buildings, I looked into the eyes of the man sitting next to me. And for the first time, in a very long time, a strange feeling crept up on me. Hope. 

I technically had met Jay “online” through a social medium a couple of weeks before we went out on our first date. We had got to talking here and there and he said that he really admired the way I thought, and that I was “different” from other girls. At the time Jay and I had started talking, I had my guard up so high, it reached the sky. My last relationship had ended so terribly, I was in no condition to trust a creature of the male species again so soon. Against all odds and despite my annoyingly stubborn nature, Jay convinced me that we should go out on just one date, and if I didn’t enjoy it, then we could part ways. Given his shocking persistence, and after putting him through interrogation hell, I figured I had nothing to lose (Poor guy really got the crazy from me). 

Jay and I agreed to have a casual first date at Starbucks just to chat and get to know one another. And contrary to some of the fancy first dates I had been on before, I really enjoyed the fact that we were keeping it casual and simple. I felt it took the pressure of wanting to impress the other person and act a certain way, and brought us closer to just being ourselves with each other. Which is exactly what happened on our date. 

The evening was wonderful. We talked, we laughed, we cried (Okay, we didn’t cry, but we did talk about some pretty heavy stuff). Jay was slightly older than me and the maturity really showed on him, which I loved. I was pleasantly surprised that we were both equivalently able to open to up to each other with some pretty personal stuff that usually doesn’t get put on the table until a few weeks into a relationship. Some people say you shouldn’t reveal much at all during first dates, but I disagree. I believe in going with the flow and if it feels right, to talk about what you want. 

Before I knew it, the date had gone from one hour to two to three. After our coffee, Jay recommended we go for a walk, which was definitely a first date first for me. When you’re used to cars and ACs and coffee shops, you almost forget to use your legs when you go out. I loved the gesture: So simple yet so different. We walked up and down a hundred times and finally just took a seat on the sidewalk on one of the busiest streets of our city. I remember telling Jay: “In all my years of living in this city, I don’t think I have even just sat on the sidewalk here.” In the hustle and bustle surrounding us, I felt our moment take a peaceful time out. 

By the end of our date, it was clear that both Jay and I had a pretty great time and couldn’t wait until our second date. He walked me to my car, gave me a big hug and told me he couldn’t wait to see me again. That night, he sent me a sweet message making sure I had got home okay, and I went to bed feeling pretty good about our first date.

But a day later, things took a strange turn. While he was so sweet to me during our date and in the day after, he ended up changing just a few hours later and being cold and distant. Right, I didn’t know him all that well, but I could tell something was off. Jay had known I had my issues in the past with men and I had said something to him along the lines of don’t screw with me. Admittedly, it was a bit crazy of me to talk about something so heavy after just one date, but I wanted to make it clear that if he had intentions of messing around, he should just walk away. We talked about it again later and he ended up flipping out on me. 

Suddenly, he made a decision that we weren’t a good fit for one another and we decided to part ways. His reasoning was vague, but I let it slide because he at least had the decency to split at the beginning and not drag me on and then drop me. Till this very day, I still don’t really know what went wrong or what happened, but I just found it so strange that two people could connect so well one day and then just end up on polar opposite ends the next. You’d think with all my previously odd experiences I would have learned my lesson to accept these things as “normal,” right? Wrong. Sometimes we just never learn. 

It was December of 2012 and it had been over a year since I had been on a date. So you could imagine that when my ex-boyfriend, crazy as he was, asked to take me out on a date, I was absolutely delighted. You know what they say: Desperate times call for desperate measures. 

More on that later. 

Kisses and hugs, 

DS