3aib! And The City.

An everyday girl who happens to be a psychologist

Girlfriends Are Not For Sharing

5th May 2012 - 5 mins read

My lovely readers, welcome back. 

When I look back at my dating experiences, I often find myself questioning whether the things that have happened to me happen to everyone else or just me. It begs the question: Am I crazy living in a normal world or am I normal living in a world full of corrupted freaks? And to be honest, I’d rather be crazy because I could never bring myself to accept some of the things that happen around me. 

Take TF for example. I have blogged earlier about how rocky our relationship was and every incident that happened with him was another sign to me that this was just not the guy for me. And what happened in today’s story was one of my final straws. I had reached the point where I had just had it with him and this was the cherry on top. 

TF lived in a different city than me, which meant that not only did I barely get a chance to see him, but also that I never really got around to meeting his best friends. In particular, I had really wanted to meet Maz, who was TF’s childhood friend and the closest person he had ever known. I had spoken to him on the phone, added him on Facebook, but never got around to meeting him. So one night when Maz made the trip down to my city without TF, we decided to finally meet. It was TF’s idea and I was quite excited to meet the person he was always going on about. 

That Friday night, I had a couple of events lined up with a big group of my friends. First, a restaurant opening, then a little dancing, then a music event. Since Maz and I both had our nights planned out, we decided to go with the flow and see where and when we could meet. But throughout the night, we kept missing each other. Every time either of us left a place, it made it harder for us to meet because of the locations and distances setting us apart from where we both were. And since most of the venues we hit that night were quite noisy, we decided to text each other back and forth instead. 

As the hours of the evening then the night went by, I realized that it was just not going to happen. It was too complicated and we were both with too many people to try and coordinate a meeting point. I decided that we would just meet another time, but with every passing message between us, Maz grew more and more persistent to meet me. I thought we could just meet for coffee and breakfast in the morning before he headed out since he was only staying for one night, but he seemed to insist that we had to meet that night. 

I went along with it for a little while longer, but I already knew that it wasn’t an option for us to meet tonight. Until out of the blue, Maz dropped a bomb on me so huge I almost fell in my place reading his message. “Why don’t you come spend the night at my hotel room? I’ve got two beds and breakfast for you in the morning ;)”. 

Oh. My. God. I couldn’t believe my eyes reading the message on my phone. Was he seriously inviting me to spend the night with him? On what planet is this kind of behavior acceptable? And what would his lifelong best friend, my boyfriend, think if he knew that he invited me? Even worse, was he actually expecting me to show up?! I just couldn’t wrap my head around the idea and instantly grew with a feeling that combined hurt with anger. I was disgusted and disrespected by his suggestion, I was upset that he didn’t seem to care for his friend or my relationship with him, but most of all I was deeply offended. What kind of girl did he take me for? On top of that all, I just couldn’t understand what he was doing. He had never even met me and he was expecting me to be his one-night stand? 

I politely declined and of course didn’t go see him in the morning. In fact, I never did meet him. But the next morning I woke up and re-read all his messages again. I was trying to find any excuse for his behavior but I found nothing. I even tried to see if in any way I suggested I would be interested in anything except for meeting the guy my boyfriend considered to be his brother, but nothing. Then I began wondering if TF had portrayed me to his friends in a less than favorable way that would lead Maz to believe I was that kind of girl. Or maybe he was just scum, which made me wonder what kind of friends TF associated himself with. I wondered for a long time with no answers, but I remained disturbed. 

I contemplated for a few days whether or not I should tell TF what happened. Now, normally, I’m the type of girl that would create a huge stinking fuss about this kind of thing. I find it absolutely unacceptable and would never let it go. But I thought a lot about it and decided that this time, I wouldn’t tell TF. In my heart, I knew I was on the verge of breaking up with him and decided it wasn’t worth ruining his friendship with someone who was so close to him. I figured, we’re going to break up soon anyway, he might as well keep his filthy friend. If he’s known him for so many years, what are the chances he doesn’t know what he’s really like? Very slim. 

I eventually did tell TF though. I mentioned in my earlier post about TF that after we had officially broken up the first time around, we had many, many relapses. We would talk, get back together briefly and it would be a matter of a few days before he would do something to screw it up and drive me crazy all over again. We would break up and I’d swear it would be the last of him but sure enough a few months later, he would somehow manage to creep back into my life. 

When I finally worked up enough courage to tell him, my biggest fear came true: He did absolutely nothing about it. And I think that secretly that’s why I hesitated to tell him in the first place. Though I knew we were going to break up, I had already been in a lot of pain and anger. I didn’t want to add to it that I had told him that his best friend was hitting on me and that he wouldn’t do anything about it. So in that momentary relapse with TF, I told him and in just a matter of a few days, we had split again and I never found out what happened with him and Maz or if he even confronted him about it. He claimed to have been upset over it and was angry that I never told him earlier. 

Later on in another relapse moment with TF, he told me that him and Maz had gone their separate ways and were no longer friends. When I asked him why, he said that it was a lot of things that happened between them, one of them being what he had done to me. But somehow, even though it was what I had initially wanted, it just wasn’t enough. 

Kisses and hugs, 

DS