30th September 2011 - 7 mins read
My loveliest readers - welcome back.
First let me start by saying something. It’s been brought to my attention that a lot of people are reading my blog and getting “upset” over the things that are happening to me. I want to remind everyone of something: I am fine. In fact, I am doing greatly. I am writing this blog not to upset anyone but to entertain everyone! So please, feel free to laugh at what you read because I sure do. I hope that one day that readers can take the horrible things that happen to as advice and not do them to others they are in relationships with. Otherwise, please don’t be concerned for my wellbeing and just enjoy the humor. Cool? Cool.
Today’s story is one that I am yet to understand myself. I am the type of girl that is very rational and very logical. I like using reason to explain the things that happen in my life so once I make sense of them, I can close the chapter and move on. So, after all this time, I have come up with one explanation to why this certain situation happened to me and stuck to it just to give myself closure, because really, otherwise I would’ve gone insane trying to figure out why. Feel free to challenge it if you think you can solve this mystery.
I was on a flight a few months ago headed back home. When I first boarded my flight, one of the flight attendants read out my full name as he looked down at my boarding pass and gave me a familiar look, like he had known me from somewhere. I didn’t think much of it because flight attendants are usually friendly and I thought he was being just that. When he handed me back my boarding pass and pointed me to the direction of my seat, I politely said, “thank you” and proceeded to take my place.
I usually like sitting on the window seat of a plane because I just put my head down on the window and fall asleep for the whole flight. For some reason this time, I guess I had forgotten to book in advance, I was seated in the aisle. And contrary to my usual sleeping habits while flying, this time I was wide awake.
Now, during this time, I had just gotten out of a horrible relationship and was barely ready to date again. I didn’t want anything serious with anyone, but it would’ve been nice to go out to a dinner or two with someone. Strangely enough, because this is how life works, I had the strangest experiences after breaking up with my boyfriend and meeting my next one a year and a half later. I called this period between the two relationships my dry spell and you will be sure to hear about it in later posts. So, during this dry spell, I was seeking attention a little bit more than usual because my heart was broken and I wanted to be comforted.
Here I am, minding my own business in my airplane seat, when the same flight attendant that had stared down at my boarding pass like it was delivering a lifetime opportunity to him came to me in my seat.
“Would you like me to get you anything?” he said very nicely with a very pleasant smile on his face.
I looked up at him and said back with an innocent smile, “No, thank you very much.”
The next thing I know, without any warning, I felt his hand on my shoulder and his voice so deep in my ear that it was as if he became the size of a pea and was sitting inside my eardrum.
“I thought you were going to say ‘DANCE FOR ME, BABY!’”
I was absolutely mortified as the man, who looked like he was of Arab descent, whispered those unexpected words with a thick British accent. At this point, there were absolutely no thoughts in my head except that I hoped the lady sitting next to me would not wake up and witness the flirting encounter I was sure was about to happen. You see, up until this point halfway through the flight, we spent quite some time complaining about men and some of the horrible things they do. If she had seen me flirting with this random flight attendant, I was sure she would think I was a hypocrite who melted into the hands of the first man that charmed his way into her heart. And I can’t deny that this is a little bit true - I absolutely can’t resist a charming man.
I laughed back at Airplane Man’s (as he would come to be known after this day) comment. I really didn’t know what else to do. I was so overwhelmed by his charm and embarrassed by his guts that I couldn’t find words to put on my tongue and spit out of my mouth. What happened next was something I would never expect in a million years.
Airplane man got down on his knees (don’t worry - he didn’t propose) and nonchalantly pushed the arms of the poor, really old man, sitting in the aisle seat next to me so he could comfortably place his arms on either side of his legs - one on my arm chair and the other on the man’s. I couldn’t believe that he was getting comfortable this way just to talk to me - he was risking getting yelled at on the plane by behaving this way but somehow didn’t care. He was also risking losing his job because I could’ve easily stood up in my place and started yelling and screaming about how this airline employee was harassing me on the flight. But I didn’t. At this point, I might as well have transformed into liquid form by how much I was melting into his hands. On the outside though, I looked like a rock. I kept my cool composure because I didn’t want him to have the slightest indication that I was impressed.
Then, the words flew out of him like a man who had fallen in stupid, puppy love at first sight. “What’s your name? What do you do? Where are you from? Where do you live? I swear I know you from somewhere. I’ve definitely seen you somewhere before. Oh my God, you are just so beautiful. SO beautiful. Your eyes, your lips… oh my God, your lips. Just so… wow. Please let me take you out. What do you like doing? You want to go dancing? You want to go for coffee? Whatever you want. Please, please just let me take you out. Please give me your business card.”
For a moment there, I actually thought that I had fallen asleep on the flight like I always do and this was just a dream. In fact, the outcome of this story is so bizarre to me that sometimes I wonder if this really did happen or if perhaps I had made the whole thing up. Here I was, in the most unusual of situations, getting asked out by a very good-looking, well spoken, charming man at a time I would have never expected to meet one. Not only that, but this man seemed so interested in me that the excitement filled me up with desire, anticipation and… hope.
I was so relieved to finally have met someone that seemed to have exciting potential after having been so down about my break up that I just looked at Airplane Man and said, “I do not have my business card but I will give you my number,” as I proceeded to rip off the tiniest piece of paper from my notebook and wrote down my number for him. He took my number and held my hand for a few seconds as if he had found the love of his life and had never wanted to let go. The way he made me feel about giving him my number was as if he would hold on to it even if a gun was pointed at his head asking him to let it go. He walked up the aisle to help another passenger with something and on his way back looked at me with a mountain-sized smile and said, “I’ll call you.”
A few minutes later, the woman sitting next to me, who apparently had been awake during the whole encounter, turned to me and said, “The NERVE on that guy! He was so flirty with you whispering in your ear!!! It’s horrible!” But I was so happy that I didn’t even care what she would think and just nodded in insincere agreement.
The second I walked out of the airport and into the car with Pixie and Ellie, I couldn’t stop smiling or talking about the mysterious Airplane Man. I couldn’t find the patience to wait for his call, but believe it or not, till this very day… I am still waiting for his call. Yes, you guessed correctly - he never called. At first I told myself that maybe he lost the number because it was on such a tiny piece of paper or that maybe he was still traveling after I met him, but I was lying to myself. This has happened to me so many times to the point that I almost never expect a guy to call me anymore when he says he’s going to.
I was so angry with his behavior that I even considered traveling on the same flight just to meet him again. I even contemplated asking some people I know who work at the same airline about him. But I realized there was no point in hunting him down except to humiliate him, which he was not significant enough for. I would end up wasting so much time and energy just to embarrass someone, that it was not worth it.
I spent some time trying to understand why he never called. I wasn’t upset that I didn’t get to go out with him. I didn’t know the guy at all so I couldn’t care less about that. But it was that till today, this disgustingly common male behavior is so confusing to my mind that I am not even remotely close to unraveling its reasons. I can deal with men who just want to get in my pants much easier than I can with a man who says he’s going to call and never does. In a way, I almost want to say I respect guys like that more than those who never call. I mean if anyone has any simple reasoning that could explain this behavior, please come forward with it for the sake of my own sanity.
The whole situation became so humorous to my friends and I that we spent many days trying to come up with the most ridiculous reasons as to why Airplane Man never called. And then one day, it dawned on me. Him and his airplane buddies get so bored on these flights that they have come up with a betting game to see who would get the most numbers out of passenger females. This was the most logical explanation I could come up with and with it, I was able to give myself fake closure and move past this situation with a laugh instead of driving myself insane.
And yes, you can laugh too. Promise I won’t get mad.
Kisses and hugs,