3aib! And The City.

An everyday girl who happens to be a psychologist

The Curious Case of the Non-Caller

17th August 2011 - 6 mins read

My lovely readers - I’ve missed writing to you.  

I spent quite a few days thinking about what I wanted to write my next post about. I was going to write a little bit about the way women think and why it becomes so hard for us to “find love” in this crazy generation of ours. But I decided that I’ll leave my endless ranting for another day and instead, I’ll give you all a story that illustrates just how difficult it can sometimes be. 

This is a two-part story: One that has to do with me and another that has to do with my best friend, Ellie (who I’ve mentioned before.) Let me also tell you that my group of best friends consists of Pixie, Ellie, Kay and Adrianna, who will appear in this story, but just as a background character. You will hear more about her in later times. (Don’t worry if you’re getting confused with who’s who - you’ll get the hang of it soon enough.) 

One weekend night, I went out to dinner with Ellie, Adrianna and two of Adrianna’s male friends who were visiting from out of town. Everything went well over dinner and the two gentlemen, who neither me nor Ellie had ever met before, seemed to be normal, nice guys. Later, we migrated to a lounge, where we were meeting my boyfriend at the time and his two friends. For the rest of the evening, I sat next to my boyfriend and didn’t speak to Adrianna’s male friends much because I didn’t really know them at all. It was quite obvious too that the guy I was sitting next to was my boyfriend. He had his arm around me the whole evening, so there was no confusing him for “just a friend.” 

At one brief moment during the night, I turned around to talk to one of the two friends, Saeed. Everything about the conversation was fine, except for the fact that he seemed to confuse my boobs for my eyes. He stared directly at them and made conversation with them. My face felt like it was sitting in a different room. Being a girl, and a well-endowed one in the chest area for that matter, I am quite used to getting stared at this way all the time. But this was outright rude. My boyfriend was sitting right next to me and here was this gentleman who thought it was okay to talk to my chest. This is, of course, besides the fact that the act in itself is more indecent than words. I politely ended the conversation and didn’t give him much face for the rest of the evening. 

The next night, we decided to go out clubbing, once again with Ellie, Adrianna, the two friends, my boyfriend and his two friends. While Saeed’s behavior the night before was unacceptable, it wasn’t a reason not to see him that night again because to be quite honest, I’ve gotten very used to this type of behavior. It is almost expected at this point. Instead, I just decided I would stay close to my boyfriend the whole night and avoid any creepy action from Saeed. If he didn’t realize the night before who my boyfriend was, he would for sure tonight, just by seeing me dancing with him or holding his hand. The night went well until Pitbull’s “Hotel Room” came blaring through the club speakers. As luck would have it, my boyfriend was occupied at the time talking to his friend and I was facing Saeed. As Pitbull sang “FORGET ABOUT YOUR BOYFRIEND AND MEET ME AT THE HOTEL ROOM!” I stood there watching Saeed lip-syncing along, pointing and staring directly at me. I completely ignored his failed attempt and pretended like nothing happened as I turned around. I thought to myself that this guy has got some courage to be standing here, in all confidence, actually thinking that I would find this charming. It wasn’t. Fellas - as a rule of thumb, don’t hit on a girl who’s not single, especially when her boyfriend is five centimeters away from you. It’s not cool. She will not appreciate it. She will not fall madly in love with your stupid self. 

After this ridiculous situation had passed, I noticed at one an extremely handsome man on the table right next to us. Given that I was dating at the time, I would have never approached him myself. Ellie, however, was as single as a bird at the time and I decided that she absolutely must make a move on him. He was too cute to just ignore and I wanted at least one of us to give it a shot. I nagged incessantly on her head, blackmailing her that I would go up to him on her behalf if she didn’t even try smiling at him. Throughout this, the guy and his friend on the other table noticed that we were giggling for a few minutes, and it became obvious that we had spotted them. At this point, the cute guy yells out to his friend, making sure we would hear: “CAN YOU PLEASE TELL THAT GIRL THAT I THINK SHE’S GORGEOUS? CAN YOU PLEASE TELL THAT GIRL THAT I’M IN LOVE WITH HER?” And while it was quite the stupid pickup line, it broke the ice and eventually got him and Ellie speaking. Ellie walked away with a smile on her face and a new number in her phone. 

And then Ellie waited. And waited……… and waited. But nothing happened. He never called. We weren’t too surprised because it’s not unusual for a guy to ask for a girl’s number and not really call. Right? Wrong. If you ask for a girl’s number, CALL HER. Otherwise, don’t ask. Don’t get her number just to have more girls’ names in your phone. Don’t ask for her number just because you want to show off to your friends how many numbers you can get. Don’t’ do it. It’s rude and hurtful to a girl. And she will hesitate to give any guy her number ever again. 

A few weeks passed and as luck would have it, we ended up in the same club one night and bumped into Mr. Not Calling You. He spotted Ellie and came over to say hello, at which point Ellie confronted him about never calling her. “I’m so sorry, Ellie! I took your number down wrong because I couldn’t hear it well and I tried calling, but it was a wrong number!” We found the story to be semi-believable so Ellie gave him her number again and this time, her BlackBerry PIN as well. They spoke a few times and made plans to meet for dinner on a Wednesday evening. But once Wednesday rolled around, Ellie hadn’t heard from him. Tired of waiting, she decided to message him and see if he was still planning to meet her. His response to her, just a few moments before the time they were supposed to meet, was: “I’m really sorry Ellie but I’m in a horrible mood. I found out today that I failed all my courses and I can’t go out - I’m too upset. I promise I’ll make it up to you.” 

And just as he had promised, he did. He turned out to be the most incredible man Ellie could ever think of and they got married a few short months later. They now have a beautiful baby daughter, who they named after me! 

No, he did not. He never made it up to her. That was obviously a lie. As a matter of fact, he never even bothered messaging or calling Ellie again. If Ellie were invisible, I’m pretty sure she would’ve gotten better treatment out of him. We then spent several months trying to analyze why Mr. Not Calling You never actually called. Ellie wasn’t upset about the guy himself, but just the concept of a person going out of their way to chase a girl for her number and then never calling. To us, this always was and always will be unacceptable. It’s not like he had met her, decided he didn’t like her and then never called again. He just never tried to begin with. And after many useless conversations between Ellie and I trying to understand why, we failed at understanding why. So as we laughed about it, we came up with an endless set of inside jokes about him (Today, he is one of our epic jokes and a great source of mockery). As I’ve told you before, we use humor to rationalize these things that happen to us. 

Moral of the story: If you ask for a girl’s number, call her. Also, don’t stare at a woman’s boobs while talking to her. She’s got eyes. 

Kisses and hugs, 

DS