3aib! And The City.

An everyday girl who happens to be a psychologist

Romance 101

9th October 2011 - 6 mins read

My dearest readers: I see you’re back. Welcome, always, but I must warn you: My stories are not for the faint-hearted, nor the fairtytale-dreamer. They are strictly for those who are somewhat cynical, yet wise and can enjoy laughing at a good story. If you are not one such person, run now and never look back.You have been warned. 

My last post was about the things I will never understand. This post will be about the things I officially gave up on understanding, like some of the really strange, creepy, unbelievable things that some men will do to try and… “entice” a woman. I really can’t believe that there are guys out there who think these things will work. A lot of people will say to me, “The reason these things work is because a lot of girls accept this behavior!” Fine. This might be true but just because someone is willing to accept your ghastly behavior, does not mean it’s okay to continue doing it. 

Anyway - here we go. 

I was working on a research project a few months ago that required me to interview a lot of young males. I didn’t want my results to be biased, so I had to step outside the circle of friends I had and interview more random people. I figured the best way I could do this would be to simply approach young men who were out and about, explain to them my project and exchange contact information with them so I could set up an interview later on in time. I know this is a little bit strange in Middle Eastern cultures but honestly, I figured it’s 2011: How strange could it be, especially for our generation? Also, I generally believe in goodness in people and figured that the men I spoke to would be happy to help or would politely decline if their time did not permit them to. I also figured it would be a good way to expand my social circle and possibly meet some cool people in my city, all in good intentions. And what do you know? I very quickly came to regret this. 

My first creepy encounter came with a guy I met out of the blue on a weekend night I was out with my friends. After persisting for a long time if he could have my number, I gave him BlackBerry PIN and told him that we could chat first and could perhaps exchange numbers later. I made it very clear to him from the beginning that I was speaking to him for the sake of my research and that if it was not okay with him, or he did not want to partake in the research, that I would understand. He insisted that he did not have a problem with the research and in fact, complimented me on the effort I was putting in. 

A few days passed and it seemed that this guy had absolutely nothing to do in his life except for glue his fingers to his BlackBerry phone. From the second he woke up in the morning to the minute he slept at night, he messaged me nonstop. Considering that I am a normal human being, this was quite difficult for me as I had things to do in my day other than tap away at my phone. I was a little shocked at his behavior of continuously messaging me but I just figured that he must have been so bored in his life that he really wanted to just talk to anyone. He seemed to take quite the interest in my life and wanted to know in details what I did all day long. Again, this was a little strange but I didn’t think much of it. 

After exactly three days of talking to one another, Jay insisted that we speak on the phone, because he wanted some clarity and details on the research I was conducting. While I did not want to speak to him over the phone, I eventually ran out of excuses and gave him my number to call me. We talked for a few minutes on the phone and Jay asked me to explain what it is exactly I was doing. He seemed very interested in my project and even kindly offered to help me with recruitment and interviews, if I had needed any more. I was very happy to hear this and thanked him for his help. 

All of a sudden, Jay went quiet and asked me, “Wait, hold on, is the only reason you talked to me and gave me your BB pin that night was because of the research you’re doing?” 

“Yes, I explained this to you. I’m recruiting different people for my research and am meeting them in different ways,” I explained. 

“So you don’t want anything else from me? That’s it? Just the research?” said Jay, as his voice got very serious. 

“I mean, we could always be friends. But really, this is about my research,” I patiently explained. 

Jay’s voice dropped low and he stopped speaking for a moment. Then, he said to me in a very sad tone, “I’m speechless. I don’t know what to say to you. You’ve upset me so much that I can’t even talk to you right now.” 

I didn’t understand what I had done. I don’t know why he was so angry with me or what I said that upset him to this extent. As far as I was concerned, we were talking about my research project and he seemed to really like the idea. The next thing I know, he’s practically accusing me of breaking his heart. After talking to him a little further, I came to somewhat understand that apparently Jay had been interested in a relationship with me that should end in marriage. When I suggested that we could be friends, his response was, “I don’t have female friends.” 

Wow. I really had nothing to say at that point. I have absolutely no objection to the mentality that if you meet someone you like, you should date with the intention of getting married. In fact, I feel that way about it too. But never on the third day of knowing someone. Never with someone you’ve never even had a first date with. All due respect to everyone’s perspective on relationships, it’s 2011. We no longer live in the type of society where you can blindly jump into a relationship or marriage without slightly knowing the person. Especially since I had very openly explained to Jay that I was only speaking to him for the sake of my research. It was obvious that we had nothing in common so it’s not like we could’ve possibly gotten to know each other and maybe have a chance to be together. I really failed to understand why he would’ve at all expected anything more and even if he had, he definitely did not know how to go about it. I don’t know if he thought that his behavior would seem romantic to me, but it definitely made me feel so creeped out I wanted to cry. 

“I’m not interested in helping you with your research anymore. Have a good life,” said Jay as he ended the call. 

While it was quite rude of Jay to only want to help me because he thought he had a chance of being with me, I was so unbelievably relieved he had backed out of the research. Otherwise, I would’ve come home the next day to see him with a ring and a white dress for me outside my house. 

One of the other guys I met during this research exchanged phone numbers with me as it was an easier choice of communication at the time we met. He seemed to be a great guy in the first few minutes of our conversation as I explained to him my project and what I aimed to do. He was extremely helpful and seemed very enthusiastic about doing the interview. After a few minutes of talking to him, I told him I needed to get off the phone because I had reached my house. And this is when it got weird. He would not let me get off the phone and insisted that he would find my house and slash my car tires, which I found to be absolutely charming. Really, this was love at first threat. I couldn’t believe that this guy wanted to talk to me so badly that he throated committing an act of violence towards me if I hung up the phone. 

And if that’s not true love folks, then I don’t know what is. 

Kisses and hugs, 

DS