3aib! And The City.

An everyday girl who happens to be a psychologist

Nice Girls Finish Last

21st October 2011 - 4 mins read

My dearest readers, welcome back. 

In today’s post, I will address one of the biggest problems I’ve faced in every relationship I’ve been in. I don’t know if this is something that happens to all girls, but from my experience, I’ve found it impossible to be with a guy without dealing with this. For lack of a better term, I’ll refer to this problem as “lack of attention.” 

I was dating this guy for a few months and things were going well between us. This guy, Charles, will be sure to show up again in later stories. He was my longest relationship yet and my first horrible breakup. 

I always felt that I was more invested into our relationship than he was. The way I am in general with all people is that I treat them how I want to, not based on how they treat me. I don’t know how to play games, especially if I like someone. So for me, if I wanted to see my boyfriend or call him, I usually did. I gave him his space, but I found myself to be initiating most of the time in our relationship, which had gone on for about four months at the time. I also know that it takes men a little longer to really get into a relationship than it does for women, but one day I had gotten really frustrated with almost always making the effort with him. I didn’t want to be the crazy, whiny type of girlfriend by telling him how much it upset me, so I did a little experiment with him instead. I decided I wouldn’t call or message him anymore, simply to see just how long it would take him to realize that if I didn’t make the effort, there probably wouldn’t be a relationship between us. 

It took him exactly four and a half days from the last time I had made contact with him for him to get in touch with me. I was obviously furious by then but I kept my cool with him because I realized that getting angry with him wouldn’t solve the problem. I had to find another way to get the message across to him and showing him how angry I was wouldn’t have sufficed. This was a massive effort for me because I’m a very impatient girl and when I’m angry or upset, I usually have a hard time keeping it to myself. Looking back, Charles really didn’t deserve any of the things I did for him. 

Anyway, Charles messaged me on a Friday morning to invite me to his best friend’s birthday party that same night. On top of disappearing for those four days, Charles completely ignored the fact that it’s quite rude to message someone on the same day of an event and ask them to come. Knowing he was in the wrong, Charles was being extra nice/sweet in his message to me. 

“Are you serious? You realize you’ve disappeared for the past four days, right?” I responded. 

“I know, but you know how it is,” he said. 

I didn’t know what he meant back then and I still don’t know till this very day. That is not a logical response to a question. In fact, it doesn’t even count as an absurd response. Or even a response for that matter. Now, I’m not a clingy girlfriend by any means. On top of that, I’m very understanding when it comes to people being busy. But it’s not acceptable to me to disappear on someone for four days, no matter what is going in your life. In today’s day and age, there is nothing easier than a phone call, a message or a BBM. So for me, this “lack of attention” that Charles was showing me was reason enough for me to consider walking away from him. However, I decided to let it go and showed up for his friend’s birthday that night anyway.  

About two months prior to this evening, Charles and I had our first conversation about our “relationship.” At that time, we had been seeing each other for about two months and while it was obvious we had both really liked each other, we were somehow undefined. I knew we both weren’t seeing anyone else, but it didn’t really feel like a committed relationship. So we sat down to talk and Charles said to me, “You’re like an angel and I’ve never met a girl like you. I really, really like you but I’m an asshole. I’m not good for you. You’re such a sweet girl and you deserve better. Trust me, I’m an asshole.” Compared to some of the guys I had dealt with before meeting Charles, he didn’t seem to be an asshole to me so I didn’t believe him. To me, he was a great guy. But now that it’s two years later down the line, I really should have believed him. 

Two months later at his friend’s birthday party that night, Charles showed up an hour and a half late. You can imagine at this point, I had flames coming out of my eyes and ears. On top of me already being angry with him, he came late to an event that he had asked me to come to on time. As soon as he got there and came in to hug me, I just shot him a look of death and said, “You know what, you’re right. You are an asshole.” 

I couldn’t stay mad at Charles for too long because my heart never let me; I was too crazy about him. In the back of my mind though that night, I knew Charles was a jerk. At that point, I knew for sure that he was not the right guy for me and that one day, he would break my heart. It was my cue to walk away and leave him and for some reason, I didn’t. But more on that later. 

Kisses and hugs, 

DS